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December 20, 2010

As a minimalist, I have the ability to give awesome party tips.  I have learned these tips through experience.


Forget buying center pieces or party favors.  These steps, if followed, will prevent your guests from stumbling away from your party in shocked, near-to-vomiting horror.

When you throw a party, you need:

To have washed each of the dishes you own AND to have put them away.
To have placed extra rolls of toilet paper in each bathroom AND to have placed a plunger next to each toilet.
To have taken out your garbage and recycling AND to have replaced the garbage bin with a liner.

IF YOU DON’T LEARN FROM MY PAST HORRENDOUS EXPERIENCES and apply my wisdom to your example, this is what might happen:

This Rembrant-esque image depicts a pastoral scene of poopy, reeking-dishesy, vomitous, overflowing waste-bin calamity, but doesn't depict the fire and death to come.

What happens if you forget to buy ice and *plenty of liquor*, I leave to you.

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