As every true minimalist knows…
…for every item you allow into your home, you must get rid of another item of equal or larger size.
This year, I will tally up all of the gifts my friends and relatives gave me for Christmas, charting them by weight and volume. Then I will gather up older items of the appropriate sizes and pile them atop the asphalt of my neighborhood street.
Then I shall pour gasoline atop the pile and set it alight.
This will accomplish two things:
1. I will rid my home of excess clutter and revel in my extreme minimalisticness
2. I will provide a merry bonfire for my neighbors to enjoy.
Nothing can possibly go wrong.