They call me a minimalist because I have no friends.
I tell people that it’s not that I’m suicidal, it’s that I’m a minimalist: I like to dangle off of high railroad bridges to reach out and touch the abyss. I’m just that attracted to the beauty of nothingness. I love to touch the uncluttered air.
These are lies. My ACTUAL hobby is provoking innocent onlookers into concerned action.